In bondage to Beauty

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
2 Corin. 4:16
So, I cut my hair....

after I got it cut, no makeup & all (Well other than the lipstick lol)

Earlier this year I couldn't stop talking about how I wanted to grow out my hair. I REFUSED to cut it. I hated trims! I had in extensions for a while too! I was sooo excited. And then guess what? My hair started falling out. In clumps. randomly. And it was weird as it wasn't from the scalp but breaking off midstrand. I knew it wasn't from being dry or damaged or from split ends. So what did I do? Freak out! Big time. And guess what? That did nothing but wasted my time and made me mad and be worried. Why? Because I thoguht I was going to go bald! Now this might sound really extreme but it's true ! It's actually a "legitimate" worry. When I was in middle school the sides of my hair began falling out. It began breaking off from bottom straight on up and eventually on the right side it fell out at the root. And it never grew back. My signature ponytails were ruined. And  I wasn't being paranoid either because people would come up to me and say "did your hair fall out?" or "what happened?". Side note: NEVER ASK ANYONE THAT ! I'm sure they noticed the bald spot before you did . But back to the story, it was very noticeable and to "cover it up" I always had to wear a bang pushed over to that side to cover it. I will tell you that I am well in my 20's and I just only really got over that about last year or so. I got tired of worrying about it. Thank you Jesus! And then...this happens again and over the Enemy plants the belief that this same thing will happen again.

my extensions

But this time...I was prepared. Yes, I had my mother to calm me down a few times. But God really dealt with me about this. He challenged me : Mila, what would that mean to you if your hair did fall out? I felt God asking me this. He was asking me, what would that mean to you? Would your whole world fall apart? Is your life built around your hair? Is your beauty built around your whole head? I prayed to Him instead of worrying and He answered. I know this sounds crazy but yes, I prayed to God about what to do to my hair as in what conditioner to use. Because each time my hair was falling out so much when I'd shampoo I didn't even want to wash it! If you looked at it, I'd just fall out! Well, in the end my hair is very healthy and I felt that it was time to cut my hair. Totally something I said I would NEVER do. My hairstylist had been saying how I should do a bob and I was like DEFINITELY NOT. But go figure, here I come calling her telling her to chop it all off. God had given me freedom, because I told her she could do whatever she wanted to do to it. WHATEVER. Just chop it off. I went in with no picture. And guess what ? I love my hairstyle! I thought I would hate it but I absolutely loved it. I like not having all that hair.

Let's be honest though, the real reason I didn't want to cut my hair was because of how I would like. Or how I thought I would look. Isn't that always our issue when we change our physical appearance or due to some freak accident it is changed? I was convinced that I would look like a boy. Yes, I'd chop off my hair, and no one would recognize me and start calling me sir. When we're in bondage we think irrational and illogical things like that instead of truth. We as women are often in bondage to beauty (see previous post) ...To the outer, temporary things. But the truth is we are being renewed day by day (2 Corin. 4:16) in the InnerMan.   We are so worried about what we will look like we forget that it's the inside that really matters! Our bodies are breaking down day by day.  Cutting my hair was probably one of the best things I've done in a while. Shorter hair doesn't change me. I'm still the same Khamila. This scripture is what has been on my mind:
"And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away....Matthew 5:30
Quite literally, cut, remove, and get rid of anything that keeps you in bondage and cause us to sin [it could be anything...clothes, food, money, your kids, etc]. Sometimes it's literally removing those things or people such as friends. But maybe it's just refusing to keep putting that thing or person in the place where God should be.  It's the cuting off and getting rid of in His Power that maintains that freedom that Jesus has already given us .
We just must be willing.

recent picture
xoxo Mila